Behold, the Non-Threatening, Trendy Face of Evil.
Dear Hotmail,
For the last half a year or so, maybe even a year, you've been offering to glam yourself up by upgrading to "Hotmail Live." Every time I've logged on, you've asked me, "would you like to upgrade to Hotmail Live?" You were polite and gave me options, and I always gracefully declined. "No, Hotmail, you're beautiful the way you are," I would often think to myself as I proceeded with my usual sign on. And it's true, you were beautiful.
But the other day, I come home and see you all whored up anyway? Let me ask you; if you were just going to do it anyway, why bother asking?
It'd be one thing if you looked good as Hotmail Live. But the fact is, you suck ass. Only able to spellcheck the first 4000 characters? Fuck you! I write lengthy, existentialist rants back to my fundamentalist American ePenpal Scott Zimmerman, and 4000 characters isn't good enough. You used to be able to correct all of them. How exactly is this an upgrade?
You're also slow as fuck on a glacier. You're as slow as this Blogger site, and just as annoying to edit. The fuck is wrong with you?
Just cuz you've got a new best friend Vista doesn't mean you should change who you are to impress it. You were perfect just the way you were.
No go clean yourself the fuck up, it's sickening to look at you.
-Silent G
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