That's right, I'm only now getting to this. If you know me, you'll know that I had a shit summer with lots of BS going on around me, and it didn't put me in the mood to put up with Blogger's nonsense to write a 1000-word opus on any movies I was seeing. However, that's all changed, and I want to write these reviews, dammit! This summer was spectacular (more or less) for movies, and it seems a shame I put so much effort into 2007 where the only really decent movies were Ratatouille and Transformers. So I come to you now, in October, with my reviews on the summer blockbuster season of 2008, in as close to chronological order as I can remember.
As ever, my near-flawless Batman & Robin movie gradation scale is going to be used. For those new to my blog, a quick rundown:
0/4 - Perfect or near perfect movie
1/4 - An otherwise good movie that has negative aspects too big to overlook
2/4 - Mediocre; not bad, but nothing special
3/4 - An otherwise bad movie with a few good aspects
4/4 - Bad movie, with almost nothing to keep your attention
5/4 - A special score for movies so bad they cause cancer
Okay, with that out of the way, Iron Man
Story:
The basic plot is very true to the comics; weapons industrialist Tony Stark is captured and gravely injured by insurgents and ordered to build a megadeath weapon to crush America with. Instead, with some coaching from an old man, he builds a suit of armor for himself to keep his heart from stopping, and also to kill some motherfuckers with. Then when he gets home, he realizes that weapons are, in fact, bad. Thus he tools around the world in what is, let's face it, a weapon, and destroys other weapons. Tony's new-found attitude angers his business partner, Obediah Stane, who gets ahold of Stark's original armor plans and builds one of his own. The two duke it out, Obediah dies, and Tony reveals to the world that he's a superhero.
Okay, looking back at this movie, there's really not much too it. I always wondered how they'd make Iron Man into a movie, because there's not a whole lot to him. He's a lush with a tank strapped to his ass, basically, and he fights a lot of other guys with tanks strapped to their asses. But you know what? For a movie, they succeeded for the most part on the story aspect. Not a whole lot really happened between his origin and the final battle, but it tells a story more or less without incident. The only complaints I had here were that there were not that many action sequences, and that the terrorists were not that believable. They were really trusting. They've asked him to build a missile, and they see him on their security cameras working on a knee joint? And they argue about whether or not it looks like the missile. No, terrorists, it doesn't. Any real terrorist worth his weight in bomb vests would shoot Stark the moment he sneezed in a suspicious manner. But then again, this is a superhero who builds a suit of armor to escape captivity, so you gotta take it with a grain of salt. What really drove this story was charisma, with story second, which brings me to...
Acting:
Meh. I'll admit, Robert Downey Jr. was an excellent Tony Stark. Who better to cast as a womanizing drunkard who throws money around like it was nothing than Downey Jr, a man who was a womanizing drunkard who threw money around like it was nothing. It's a welcome change from Commander Asshole in the comics nowadays, who's done everything in his power to ruin everyone's day. Robert's Stark is charming, witty, and someone who's completely unreliable and irresponsible, but only just enough so it's considered a charming quirk. Seriously, this movie did as well as it did greatly because every single woman in North America was in love with this guy. I'm excited to see him return.
As for everyone else, well, it's a mixed bag. Jeff Bridges as Obediah Stane/Iron Monger wasn't that bad. For 95% of the film, he's a cold, calculating tycoon who puts a hit on his business partner, and later rips out Tony's mega-pacemaker while Tony sits paralyzed in horror. And even in the Iron Monger suit, his voice sounds like a broken-glass-and-sandpaper sandwich, which was awesome. But then in his last 15 minutes, he suddenly had to ham it up. He was calling Stark a prick, going over the subtle nuances of his evil scheme, the works. Why? But still, he was also firing rockets and bitch slapping Iron Man with motorcycles, so at least they make up for it.
Pepper Potts, played by Gwyneth Paltrow, was...unpleasant. Why are all the love interests whiny and needy and complain about everything? Can't there be any fun love interests, someone with a good personality that someone might, you know, actually love? And in the comics she's barely a love interest at all. I do, however, like the bit at the end where they play on this superhero movie staple; she rejects him flat out for being an unreliable asshole. Thank goodness they changed SOMETHING about that tired formula.
And lastly, there's Terrance Howard as James "Rhodey" Rhodes. Let's just say I'm ultimately glad they're replacing him with Don Cheadle in the next one, and that's saying something coming from someone who hates it when they change actors between movies (more on that in my Dark Knight review).
Special Effects:
Pretty damn good, actually. I'm really super glad they got Stan Winston to make the suits. I'd have been majorly disappointed if there weren't a practical Iron Man armor in this movie, and had been done completely in CGI. This movie was, in fact, Stan's final work before he passed away this summer, and he went out with a bang. Teaming with Adi Granov, the guy who designed the current comic version of the armor, they really brought the character to life. It looked like fucking Iron Man, but he's real! I was wowed. And even the CGI wasn't too noticeable. When he was walking around on the ground (to which I say, WHY?), you could tell. Yeah, it was simple. But it wasn't glaring or anything, it was just...there. However, when he's dogfighting jets or whizzing in the air or some shit, it's seamless. It looks really good.
Music:
Not bad, but for the most part nothing memorable like Spider-Man, Superman, or Batman. There are a few scenes where you've got something close to a theme, but generally it's kind of just rock-and-rollish and meh. Luckily, it doesn't deject from the film much at all, and you get stuff like ACDC to jam to.
Humor:
Not bad, actually. I'm notorious for finding things funny that no one else does, and vice versa. It really makes me squirm when something mind-numbingly awful comes on the screen and while I wince, everyone laughs. However, here, yeah, I laughed with everyone else. Maybe not at EVERYTHING, but overall it was just lighthearted humor. Tony Stark really is charming. The first scene in the movie is him lightening the mood. Really. However, the funniest part of the movie for me wasn't even in the movie; it was some 13-year-old, in back of us, saying with the utmost seriousness regarding the movie's villain, "God, that guy's a dick. I hope he dies." Priceless.
Samuel L. Jackson Factor:
It's goddamn Sam Jackson as Nick-motherfuckin-Fury. YES INDEED!
Direction:
To be honest, I didn't really notice anything in way of direction. Normally, I can catch the subtle differences between one director's work and the next. I know when I'm watching a Spieldberg movie, or a Burton film. Jon Favreau really didn't have any defining directorial features. Maybe it's because I've never seen another film by him. Maybe it's because he's mediocre. Or maybe it's because he's genius. Ernest Hemmingway once said that easy reading is "god damn hard writing," and maybe that's applying here; he's so good, we don't even notice him. However, I'm inclined to think it's a mix between the two. On the one hand, the story was told very fluently which, trust me, can be fucked up real quick. So you gotta give him credit for that. But on the other hand, it just felt kind of generic. Charming lead, fights with airplanes, evil businessmen. It's all business as usual. But I'd rather a director be unremarkable than be extraordinarily remarkable for how bad he is (here's looking at Uwe, Boll). Gotta give props to that.
FINAL SCORE:
1/4
Yeah, it was pretty decent. Besides the few flubs I mentioned above, I really have no complaints. You might be asking, then, why it's not a 0/4, if my complaints were so minimal that it barely tainted my perception. Well, there's one complaint that I didn't address directly, but would hope it'd be more clear once the entire review was read; it seemed very ordinary. When I, a comic book geek to rival most, go to a comic book movie, I want to be wowed. Not just in cool action sequences, but just in the whole idea. I still get chills when Peter Parker swings from a thread for the first time. But I didn't feel that with this movie. I don't know if it's because I don't follow Iron Man as much as other heroes, but I really doubt it. I almost never read anything about Superman, but Superman Returns had some epic moments. And that's special, seeing as it had even less action than Iron Man did. I'm more inclined to believe that the film just wasn't as epic as it could have been, or at least had hoped it would be. But still, all in all, it had some good acting, some good sequences, a story that wasn't completely convoluted, and most of all, it had friggin' Iron Man flying around in the sky shooting repulsor blasts and unibeams. What more can a moviegoer ask for?
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Ceasar's Palace to bet an island on a game of craps, and maybe save the world later if I feel like it.
Next up: Speed Racer
- Silent G
No comments:
Post a Comment